It seems to me that the new year is just beginning for me even though the first quarter of 2013 is nearly in the end. Funny how the 1st of January seemed more like an ordinary day compared to the other days that came after it. Thinking about it now, I would’ve liked to say how I’m looking forward to a new season on the very first day of 2013 and truly meant it, but thank God I didn’t. I couldn’t fake it even to save my life. I was just not done in the season that I was in starting from the last quarter of 2012.
I think the best way to describe where I was during those times was that I was hungry and thirsty. Like a man lost in the desert for a long time, thirsty for water and hungry for food. But unlike the man, I wasn’t looking for food or water. I was hungry and thirsty for something more.
At first, I felt restless. I had mostly everything that I wanted and yet, I felt like it wasn’t enough. Then, I became angry with myself. I couldn’t understand why I was so discontent with everything that’s going on. In the end, I gave up and curled into depression in my mind and in my heart for the rest of the season. Stubborn as I was, I didn’t realize that the food and water I needed was already placed in front of me. I was blinded by my own disappointments, that I didn’t want to believe that someone still believed in me -even though I was barely holding on to my own faith. But God being our faithful God, never gave up on me. And it is because of Him my hunger and thirst were filled [and are still continuously being filled].
Now,one of the many things that I came to realize as soon as I had gotten out of that season was that of my desire to reach out and touch the hearts of others. Something that I wasn’t really a stranger with but this time felt more personal. Like God had called me -my name- amongst the sea of people. But the first thing I did was to let my insecurities get the best of me and asked: why me? And I tried looking for answers on my own but obviously came up with none.
But after some time, I was reminded of His Word -to trust Him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding [Proverbs 3:5]. And assures me that the plans He has for me are good and not of evil, that it gives future and hope [Jeremiah 29:11].
To be honest, it has been a long time since I opened the Bible and really meditated on it. I actually believe that I have forgotten how to do a devotion that I even Googled it –haha!
I know, I know.
But I obviously missed it. And obviously this is what He’s telling me to do for quite some time now.
So know this, my dear friends. As of yesterday, I decided to start a reading plan. I believe this will actually help me not get sidetracked or whatever, and actually finish it. I know God will reveal a lot of things to me through His words. And so I ask that you include me in your prayers as I will include you in mine.